The Jennifer I want to be

It's amazing what a new house can do. I feel like we have started a new life. I've released not only a bunch of old things - books, furniture, accessories, but also some old thoughts - waiting on others to get me where I'm going and blaming others for where I am today.

I did a lot of journaling this morning and I was able to clearly see how I got caught up in a couple of people's unrealistic schemes. I use the word "scheme" because I can't think of a better word right now. I believed these people when they said they wanted to change, and I bought into what they were saying. I had no reason not to. Yet when I got to know them and watch them over a period of a couple of years, their true colors came through. I don't think they were trying to hise their true colors, I just didn't know them well enough to see how they operated as people. I'm thankful that I saw what kind of people they are and that I was able to get out of a situation that could have been very detrimental to my emotional well-being.

I find that I am attracted to people who are very transparent. I don't do well with actors, pretenders, or those who don't know who they are. I have a very hard time with those who are calculating and who weigh every minute of a conversation to see if anything can be used later. Or maybe a person who holds back calculatingly for an opportune time to take control. All that is disgusting to me. I like plain people. I like people who are themselves at all times - that means mad when they are mad, sad when they are sad, and happy when they are happy. If you're wierd, so what? Just be yourself.

One of my favorite people is a country girl from Oregon. She says what she thinks at all times. She's honest with you and she expects you to be honest with her. I like that.

Another favorite person of mine is a retired nurse who lives in Zimbabwe. I spent 10 days on a trip with her as my roomate. If you ask her a question, she gives you an answer. There is no faltering. She is who she is with no apologies.

These people are the kind of people I want to be. I want to be Jennifer. The best Jennifer. The Jennifer God made me to be. I am working on that. It's my journey to freedom.