Always Learning

Yesterday I got all riled up about the situation with the church and Scott. I was so angry. I got some relief when I could talk to someone about how I felt. When I woke up this morning, I was still somewhat mad. I was unable to expel some anxious thoughts from my mind. They kept coming back again and again. (I started to lose my cool over simple things like picking up my kid's stuff in the living room. All this before 9:30am)

I went into my room to do my quiet time. I read My Utmost For His Highest everyday. Today he quoted St. Augustine, "O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself". He went on to say that Jesus never explained anything. He let misconceptions correct themselves, or rather, handed the outcome of such misunderstandings over to His Father.

This is something I must learn now, this "always wanting to vindicate myself". I'll tell you, it is very difficult. I'm an explainer. I explain things all day to my kids. I naturally like people to understand what is going on. Well, I just don't have to do that about this situation. I don't have to tell everyone our side of the story. If they want to know it, they will ask. It's my job to tell the truth when asked, but I don't have to fret about all the people who don't know the truth. That's what I was doing - fretting. How stupid of me! What an waste of energy. Today was a little better day because I prayed the St. Augustine prayer all day.

On another note, I had to confess to my children that I had not been a very good Mom these last couple of months. Honestly, I didn't handle all this too well. I basically became paralyzed for a while and hid out in my room watching movies. (I don't drink, do drugs, eat addictively, smoke, etc. Movies are my only "drug" left) So I have been checked out for quite some time. I feel horrible about it. The kids have been watching way too much TV and eating poorly. I told them I was sorry, and I said I was going to try to do better today. I did do better - not as well as I would have liked (I'm very hard on myself), but better, nevertheless.

Part of what I feel bad about is our scattered Bible time. Because we haven't been on top of school, Bible time has fallen by the wayside. What a time to "forget" Bible time! We need this so much, yet I admit, I have let it go. I asked God to forgive me. I asked for His help to start anew today, and He did help me. I am so thankful for a God who is patient with me even when I mess up over and over again.

I do not carry the burden I had last night. I feel much more free. My heart is not pounding in my chest because of my anxious thoughts. I can breathe deeply.

God is good.

Difficult Day

This is a very difficult day. I am sick to my stomach about everything that has happened. I still can't believe that Elders in a church would be deceiving to their congregation. I realize too that they have impuned my husband's reputation. I have also come to realize that many of my friends will continue to trust and believe these very men who have not been completely honest with them. These things really hurt me so deeply.

I am trying to
a) repay evil with good
b) ask God to vindicate me
c) pray for those who are being deceived for God to open their eyes to the truth

How can God bless a place where their is deception?

Psalm 23

Today I was talking to one of my fellow homeschool-mom friends, and she said something very encouraging. I want to share it on my blog.

She said to remember that Psalm 23 says, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death." Meaning, we aren't camping in the valley, laying down in the valley, or stopping in any way in the valley. We are walking through it. We will get to the end of the valley. We must continue to walk God's walk.

We Made It!

Church yesterday was difficult, but it was the right thing to do. We needed to say goodbye to everyone. Many people were confused and didn't understand. Scott and I can only tell the truth from our point of view.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you, Stacie for your words of encouragement, "Let God be your vindicator." That is exactly what we are doing. The truth of the situation will come out.

We are keeping ourselves busy by rearranging our house. Our 13 year old boy needs his own space, so we are trying to give him that.

Scott's Job

Well, the end has come. Scott has been fired from his job as Children's Pastor at our church. Scott has been working on reconciling things between him and the leadership for nearly a year, and the Elders finally asked for his resignation. He didn't resign, though. They gave us a very generous severance package. Tomorrow will be our last day at Sebastopol Christian Church. We want to be there to say goodbye to the children.

I have such mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am relieved. After months of stress, we are done with this situation. On the other hand, I wish reconciliation could have taken place. I am not worried. I am not afraid for our future. We will stay right here until God says, "Move."

Our children are sad. Tomorrow will be difficult for them. Please pray for our family tomorrow. I have yet to completely fall apart. I know I will have to do that sometime, but I do not want to do it tomorrow at church.

I have had such support and love from my friends at church, some of whom I have known for 31 years. I do not harbor any hard feelings toward the leadership at SCC, but I am disappointed with how they dealt with everything.

Thank you, friends for all your prayers. I have felt them lift me up through some very dark nights.

God is good.

The Hunters Are Home

My son, Samuel, turned 13 on Nov. 2. He spent his birthday hunting in Colorado and shooting his first deer, a doe. He had a great time with Dad. I sent some homework with him, but he didn't do it. He told me that all they did was hunt, eat, and sleep. I guess I could count it as P.E. :)

Still waiting...

Here we on on Monday morning. We made it through another Sunday. I nearly fell apart in front of one of my oldest friends. I'm still not supposed to talk to anyone about anything. It makes Sundays really hard.

Today's thought is: The mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6b

I am trying to keep my mind occupied with things of the Spirit - prayer, Bible verses, encouraging people to talk to because I want PEACE.

It is still difficult to keep up with everything. I am distracted and unable to complete a task. I'm trying to give myself some grace, but not allow too many excuses. You know how it can get, "I am going through (whatever difficulty), so I just can't make dinner, teach the kids, clean the house, etc. That's where my mind is going.

BUT...there is hope. I can keep my mind on the things of the Spirit. I have different Bible verses written down around the house to keep me focused.

Your continued prayers lift me up.

Dear Friends

My Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers. We have been lifted up by so many family and friends during this difficult time, and we appreciate your caring prayers so much!

Something I'm learning:

This battle is not about Scott or even the other men involved. It is a battle that Satan is raging against our little town of Sebastopol. Scott and I have made it our goal to not allow Satan to use us in any way - our tongues, our attitudes, our giving/withholding forgiveness, our faithfulness to God's calling. We will not give up doing the right thing.

Ephesians 6: 10-18
For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor...Stand your ground...Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers.

Why I've Been Gone...

I haven't been able to post in so long because of a very painful situation at church (which is also my husband's work). I can't give details on my blog yet. We are still in limbo and are waiting for a decision from the Elders. I'm hoping it will be soon because I'm ready to move on.

I know I don't have many readers. But those of you who are reading, will you please pray for my family? We are all really hurting, especially the kids. It's difficult to know how much to tell them.

In all of this I know only one thing for sure: God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them.

Jordan is 15 today!

Today is my daughter's birthday. She is a wonderful 15 year old. We have so much fun together. She got to paint her room and is working on re-decorating it with a retro style - James Dean, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, I Love Lucy, etc. Her new room has one black wall and 3 pink walls. It looks great!

We got her 2 new movies - Rebel Without a Cause and East of Eden. She is making herself peanut butter cupcakes to share with us tonight. Thank goodness she wanted sushi for lunch, it was delicious.

She doesn't have to do school today. I've decided to let the birthday person not have school on their birthday. Many of my homeschool friends already do this. I think it's a good rule.

I'm so thankful for a daughter who wants to follow Christ and dedicate her life to serve Him. What more could a Mom ask for?

New Worship Song - Open Hands

I just found this new worship song. I really love it.

Here's the link to the acoustic version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQQ7mEL03gk

Jordan's Home

On Monday, August 31st, Jordan came home. She had a wonderful time in Zimbabwe. She says she wants to get a job to make money to go back as soon as possible. My friend Kathy, who runs the mission, had some very encouraging things to say about Jordan. I missed her so much. The last week before she came home was really weird. I think the boys and I were just wanting her to be back home. She's our sunshine.

Unfortunately, she has the flu right now. I'm glad she is home and sick and not far away and sick. She is recovering pretty quickly, thanks to some homeopathy.

I'm just enjoying the girl vibe that is back in our house! All that testosterone was getting to me!

Blackberry Jam and Apple Sauce

Thanks to Cheesemakin' Mama's post about her raw strawberry jam, I made some raw blackberry jam. I don't have pictures - I don't know how to post pictures yet; only my children know how to and they aren't home - but the kids tried it and loved it. I used blackberries picked from down the road and honey from our neighbor up the road. Thanks, Jackie!


Apple season in Sebastopol is big, well, big for Sebastopol, a town of 7, 000. There are so many apple trees here, that people beg you to come pick apples. Sam, Elijah and I picked a huge box of apples, and I canned 10 quarts of apple sauce. They are beautiful! I borrowed a steamer canner from a friend, and I was amazed at how easy it is to can this way.

On another note, my boys, including my husband, have all left for a three day camping trip to the coast. Scott also took my 2 nephews. That's one Dad and 5 boys. It leaves Mom home alone. Oh what will I do with myself......

My life in FA

Sunday was my 1 year and 5 month anniversary of being abstinent in FA. (It's like being sober in AA). There are so many changes in my life, it's hard to know where to start.

First of all, I lost 50 lbs in 10 months. I have been the same weight I am now since January 5. I can honestly say that I have not been compulsively obsessed with food for these last 17 months. That is the grace of God.

What I really love about FA is that I get to go out and eat an anniversary meal with my husband and completely enjoy it. Before, with all the diets and ways I tried to control my food addiction, I would go out to eat and a) either eat something I did not want to eat (like a little salad or something really tiny) or b) leave the restaurant rolling out the door because I was so full (later telling myself what a pig I was, how disgusting I was, etc). With FA, I just enjoy a good meal. I know that sounds like crazy talk and it was crazy!!! The kind of life I led in the midst of my addiction was horrible. I was miserable. Every morning was misery because I had tried to control my eating the day befire only to end up binging every night. It was truly hopeless.

Since the first day of FA, I was released from the obsession and compulsion I had around food. Praise God. I had hope and it has remained with me since then. Something we say in FA is: We know that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. I finally let go of my way of eating (and thinking about eating) and allowed the people in FA to help me.

OK - another thing I've received from FA - peace. My husband and I just got back from our little trip to the lake and we had a great time. We were so relaxed. Scott has been going through some really tough things lately, but God has given us both a deep peace. How can we be peaceful in the midst of difficulties? It is only by God's grace. We have accepted His grace in our lives. The piece of my heart that belonged to food now belongs to God. I am free from food addiction so that I can be totally addicted to God. Now I am able to open up my whole heart to Him and accept whatever He has to give me.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Thy loving will be done in and through me this day
Amen

Anniversary Getaway

Tomorrow Scott and I are going to stay at our friend's house in Lucerne on Clear Lake. We get just one night, but we are looking forward to some peace and quiet. We do things like read all day and take a walk to get coffee in the morning. Scott does some fishing too. Our anniversary is on Tuesday, the 11th. It will be 19 years of marriage for us. How thankful I am to be the wife of a godly man.

Our friend and her three girls are staying with the boys at our house. She kindly offered to do this for us. My 12 year old had an odd look on his face when I told him who was staying with him and his brothers. I think the idea of all those girls in the house is daunting. Afterall, we do live in a "boy house", especially since Jordan is in Africa. Oh well. He'll have a good time.

Homemade Chocolate

I watched an Above Rubies video last night. It's called "Pearl's Chocolates". I'm going to try to make these. Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FEsvf8AiSk

I'm off to the beach with my kids and my sister's kids. WOO HOO!

I Love This time of Year!

My favorite time of the year is fall, or getting ready for fall. I was one of those nerdy kids who loved going back to school. I love the school supplies aisle. Tonight I was looking longingly at the lunch boxes at Wal Mart. Thankfully, it has not been a very hot summer for us, so it feels like fall here. I know my friends and family in The Dalles feel differently!

Today I started ordering curriculum for this school year. Samuel and I sat down to talk about where he wants to be (in math and science) when he graduates from high school. We are using:
*Teaching Textbooks Pre-Algebra
*Apologia General Science
*Thinking Like A Christian (Bible)
*Mavis Beacin Typing
*Daily Grams Grade 7 (Grammar)
*Apples Spelling
*The Fallacy Detective (Logic)
*God's World News (Social Studies)

One down, three to go. Actually I have most things mapped out for everyone else. All the stuff I want to buy is in my "Wish List" on Rainbow Resource Center's website. I feel much more organized and scheduled for this next year than any other year I've homeschooled. It's my 9th year, so I should be!

Homemade Powdered Laundry Detergent

1 cup grated bar laundry soap (I use Zote)
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup borax

Grate Zote. Put Zote, washing soda and borax in a food processor and blend. When it is finished the Zote will look like little pink balls in the white powder. Use 1 Tablespoon per load. For extra dirty clothes, use 2 Tablespoons.

I make this in huge batches. I keep it in a gallon mayonaise container. I think it works well. I haven't figured out how much it costs yet, but it can't be much.

Homemade Sugar-Free Ketchup

1 6 oz. can tomato paste
1/2 cup splenda
1/2 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup + 1/8 cup water
1 teasp. salt
1/4 teasp. onion powder
1/8 teasp. garlic powder

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat. Whisk until smooth. When mixture comes to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for about 20 min, stirring often.

***I use less splenda than this (about 1/4-1/3 cup). I don't like my ketchup too sweet.
***I triple this to fit into my container
***I also make regular ketchup (with sugar instead of splenda) for my family.
***Really - "stirring often" is important. Burned ketchup stinks!!

ENJOY!

In The Kitchen

Today I worked in the yard in the morning. If you know me, you will know how shocking it is that I worked in the yard. I am not a gardener. I have a brown thumb. All my favorite things to do are done indoors - listening to and playing music, reading, cooking, watching movies, reading and more reading.

But now I am in my kitchen cooking up a storm. I made my homemade sugar-free ketchup. I made a bazillion pieces of french toast to freeze. I made a blackberry/strawberry crisp. The best part is that no one bothers me when they see I am in the bulk cooking mode. I get to listen to my favorite music, too. I love this kind of Saturday. It is very fulfilling to get things done in the kitchen.

On another note, my parents and my daughter, Jordan, are in Zimbabwe as I am writing this. (Jordan, if you can get to my blog, I miss you already!!) I am still in awe of how God worked all things out for Jordan to go on this trip. I know He wants her in Africa.

Busy Day Ahead

We had an awesome day in San Francisco. The kids were a little grumpy at first, well, the teenagers were. We went to the Japanese Tea Garden and Golden Gate Park where there is a huge, concrete slide built into a hill. The kids went down it on cardboard - Scott and I did too! Then we went to Mel's Drive-In, a fifties diner, for dinner, and put in quarters to hear our jukebox play some oldies music. Then we drove down Lombard street, the curviest road in the US. Then we walked around Pier 39. It was so much fun!

Today I'm watching my friend's kids, taking Elijah to basketball camp, teaching my piano students, going to the county fair, and helping out with Wacky Wednesdays at the church (it's lots of fun for the kids). Needless to say, I'll be busy. My parents have a lot of errands to run before they leave on Thursday. Everything is going good for them all leaving for Africa. Thanks for your prayers!

San Francisco and My Parents

Today we are heading to San Francisco for the day. I love that city! I have crossed the Golden Gate Bridge too many times to count, yet each time is so spectacular. I'm not sure what Scott has planned for us, but I hope it includes the Japanese Tea Gardens and the Hard Rock Cafe.

My parents are flying in from Hawai'i tonight. They will be here for about 2 days. Then we will take them and Jordan to the airport to leave for Africa. I'm excited for Jordan to go to Africa. I'm a little nervous too. She's only 14, and I hope she doesn't get into any dangerous situations. She will be rooming with a Christian college-age girl. I've basically told my parents to stay with her all the time. She gets to go to Victoria Falls, The Hide (a wild animal park), and Swaziland. In Swaziland there is an orphanage where she can work with the children. Overall, I think she will have a life-changing time. She wants to serve God in missions, so this is a good start for her. My Shona friend, Sylvia, who grew up in Zimbabwe, warned me that people fall in love with Africa. I'm wondering if that will be my daughter.

If you think of Jordan during the month of August, please pray for her. (For her mother too, for that matter). This is a good lesson for me not to worry, since worrying is one of my besetting sins. That's why I have the Matthew passage up on the top of my blog.

My Family

I have the privilege of going to a church in which I grew up. My father became the pastor of Sebastopol Christian Church when I was 9 years old. I left this church for about 3 years when I attended college (coming home in the summer) and for about 5 years when we lived in Oregon. I have been a part is this church for over 30 years. I love my church family. Sunday mornings are good when I can talk to my family, hug a child and hold a baby. My heart bursts with love for them all. This was a good Sunday filled with joy and love.

I even got to substitute teach the 1st and 2nd grade class. They were awesome!

Homemade Dishwasher Powder, Part 2

I made some more powder, and this time I added the 30 drops of essential oil - what a difference it makes! I bought some lemon oil, and I works great.

Finally Able To Breathe

Wow. Looking at my last post, I can't believe I haven't posted since we left Hawaii. When we got back from Hawaii we had car trouble, VBS, summer camp for the 4th, 5th, and 6th graders, and many other miscellaneous things going on. I have been back from summer camp for a week now, and I feel like I can breathe and get on with things at home.

About our car trouble...Scott was picking us up from the airport and our "great white" stalled in the middle of San Francisco. We had it towed and got it fixed. Thank God He provided the funds to get the car fixed.

VBS was great. Exhausting, but great.

I love our summer junior camp. We had the best speaker for the kids. All of the girls in my cabin made a decision for the Lord. Two were baptized at camp, and yesterday Scott baptized one girl in the Russian River on her 11th birthday. What amazing things our God can do! I am so grateful and humbled to be working with Him on earth.

Yesterday our whole family worked at home. Scott took the day off (his first in I don't know how long), and we all worked, worked, worked. I reorganized the movies, toys and games with the boys' help. Scott rearranged the boys' room so that Samuel could have space to do his homeschool work back there in peace and quiet. Scott also worked on our shed in which we store all of our stuff, and he got the kids to help him in the yard - a major miracle! Now all I have left is my homeschool cabinets. Yeah! I have been looking forward to getting ready for the 2009-2010 school year for a long time.

I am a very organized person. I have to have everything just so or I can't really work. This is not a good quality. I wish I could work in chaos, but I can't. I have to say that FA has helped me become less of an "all or nothing" type of person. I used to be CONSUMED with getting all my things just so, but now I can do what I need to do without freaking out too much. God has brought me far. It is only by His grace that I can do anything with a peaceful attitude.

Last weekend I was able to attend an Above Rubies ladies retreat. I went for the first 2 days, but realized that I was exhausted from summer camp to go the third day. Nancy Campbell was inspiring and encouraging. She is the kind of speaker that makes you really think. I like that. It was a good retreat; I just wish I wasn't so exhausted from camp.

Now I'm off for another good day of work. Jordan is busily preparing for Africa. She will leave on July 30 and be gone for one month. My parents are taking her to Zimbabwe and Swaziland. I know that God will do marvelous things in her heart during this trip. I get overwhelmed with His gracious love for our family when I think about all the opportunities He gives us to serve Him. I just pray that I can be a humble, kind-hearted servant to all who come my way.

Leaving Hawaii

Today we are leaving Hawaii. O'ahu is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and we have loved living here for a month. I will miss the warm mornings and nights. I will miss the Coffee Bean coffee shop. I will miss the North Shore. I will miss the friends I have made here, especially the Tatofi family. I will miss hearing my Dad preach every Sunday. I will miss the great worship that Kahale leads. I will miss the beach. I will miss the local food. I will miss the laid back, come-as-you-are, aloha attitude found ihere.

BUT....I am going home. I can't wait to see Scott and all my friends in Sebastopol.

Homemade Dishwasher Powder

I've begun to really get into natural/homemade cleaners. I've scoured the internet for recipes and had fun using them. Here's what I use instead of Cascade:

1 cup borax
1 cup baking soda
1/4 sup salt
2 packages of lemonade kool aid (may use 1/4 cup citric acid)
30 drops of essential oil (I don't do this)
Put all ingredients into a large plastic container with a lid and shake it up.
Use 1 tablespoon per load.
I also use white vinegar in the rinse dispenser instead of Jet-Dry.
** When my last containers of Comet run out, I'm going to try using this as a scrubbing cleaner.

Here's the website I got this from: www.thenewhomemaker.com/dishwasherpowder

How FA changed me

During the last 14 months, I have been in a recovery group called FA - Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. I have lost over 50 lbs and gained sanity, clarity and spiritual renewal.

One of the things I have learned to do is identify the feelings that I used to eat over. If I am feeling anxious and unsettled, I try to stop what I'm doing a take a look at my heart. Usually, I am feeling something that makes me uncomfortable and I want to eat over it to make it go away temporarily. I have learned that I don't have to eat over anything. Nothing is so bad that I will use food to numb myself out.

Instead, I will pray and take it all to God. I don't know when I began to hold up food as an idol to take the place of God's comfort, but I am so glad I no longer do that. Now, for the rest of my life, I get to keep God in the proper place. The place where He belongs in my life - FIRST PLACE.

Sunday at Island Family Christian Church

I love church in Hawaii. First of all, everyone is very kind and welcoming with plenty of aloha. Second of all, they have a great band to worship with. Third, my kids all love their classes. My middle schooler and high schooler have both been accepted and included. Fourth, it is heaven to listen to my Dad preach again. I've missed his preaching so much. He's in the middle of a series on the family. Today was "Do not commit adultery". It was excellent.

It is so wonderful to sing praises with a group of people and know that you are all One in Christ. The people at Island Family are locals - Hawaiian, Samoan, Tongan, Filipino and military, but they all get together to praise God on Sunday morning.

Being a keeper at home - away from home

It's strange to be so far away from home on vacation. The kids and I are visiting my parents who live in Honolulu. What I have found is that I need to be just as focused on keeping my temporary "home" as I am focused on keeping my "home" home. The kids still need down time, I need to have home-cooked meals, I need to make sure the kids don't watch too much television, and I need to remind the boys to treat each other respectfully with no insulting talk.

Also, My husband needs me when I'm away. We have been separated for almost 2 weeks now, and I won't see him until next Tuesday. Boy, do I miss him! The old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is really true. I keep checking in with him. I call to ask if there is anything I can do to help him while I am here. I send him encouraging emails. I keep up to date on the finances. I'm still a keeper of my home and a help mate to my husband, even though I'm away from home.

I find this task in my life to be very rewarding - exhausting, yes - but worth every second spent serving my family.

God has rewarded me with plenty of time to spend in His Word during this trip. I'm enjoying reading through my Bible and writing in my journal.

Another thing is that I'm getting to work on being a honorable daughter. Sometimes this is not easy, and my critical spirit rises up in my heart. I was not raised by perfect people. I know this, but sometimes I have a high expectation of my parents to be something they can't be. They are wonderful parents who didn't teach me everything I know, but who poured God's love into me every day of my life. I'm finding ways to honor them in my words and actions while I'm visiting in their home.

We're having a good time here. The beaches are awesome!!

difficult times ahead

There are some difficult times ahead for our family, but I know God is right here with us. Here is one of my favorite Psalms:

Psalm 27 - A psalm of David.
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident.
The one thing I ask of the Lord—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
Then I will hold my head high
above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the Lord with music.
Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
Be merciful and answer me!
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
Do not turn your back on me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helper.
Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
O God of my salvation!
Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord will hold me close.
Teach me how to live, O Lord.
Lead me along the right path,
for my enemies are waiting for me.
Do not let me fall into their hands.
For they accuse me of things I’ve never done;
with every breath they threaten me with violence.
Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord.
Be brave and courageous.
Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Negative

Another realization of mine - I'm a negative person for the most part. This is a natural way I view life. I am an analytical/critical thinker, so I tend to be critical, negative and not easily swayed to anyone's ideas. These are good sometimes, but I don't want my critical spirit to come out to my family, especially my children. Help me to change, God. You are the only One with enough power to change me. I am truly a fallen wretch. How gracious of You to never leave me. Thank You for holding my hand right now. I don't deserve it at all.

Awesome radio stations in Honolulu

So we are in Honolulu and there are 2 awesome Christian radio stations here. One is Air 1 which I wish we got instead of K-Love at home. Then there is THE FISH. Both are great to listen to. I have been very encouraged by these stations during our stay here. Thank You, God.

Great difficulty

There is something going on in my life right now that I can't write about on my blog, but it is b.i.g. I'm having many feelings - worry, anger, a sense that injustice has been done, great sadness, and a little fear. Usually fear does not creep up on me, but it has a little. I will not let it overtake me though. I am blogging these admissions of feelings so that I can move on and trust in God to make all things right and just. I trust Him to lead us where He wants us to go. I totally trust Him in all his dealings with my loved ones. I trust that He has the best in mind for our family, even though I can't see it. I trust You, God, for You are the only One who has proven trustworthy all the time. I love You and I will always serve You.

money

Today is scary. We are so out of money. I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know what else we can do. I try to curb our spending, but there are things we need to buy and do. It is so difficult righ now. I hate telling my husband this, but I have to. He is so stressed right now with all the work he does. I'm going to go to my room to pray and read the Bible to get me through this day. There seems to be no hope for this money situation to get any better. My only hope is in Christ.

In The Valley

My friend introduced me to Sovereign Grace Music. I have the Psalms and The Valley of Vision. I love these CDs. There is one song called In The Valley that really moves me. When I'm feeling down or having a difficult day, I stop everything and play and sing this song. It is just beautiful.

I'm so thankful to my Mom who made me practice the piano everyday. She also made me play for church when I was about 14 or 15. I started playing for the church choir when I was 16. I didn't particularly want to do these things or I felt that I couldn't do these things, but my Mom knew I could. Thanks, Mom, for believing I could do something special.

Wrappping it all up

I am in the process of finishing up our school year. We still have one more softball game and about 4 more baseball games before we leave for Hawaii on May 19. I want to get most of my end-of-the-year school work done before we leave so that I can add all the fun Hawaii school stuff in when I get back home. I can't wait to step out of the Honolulu airport and feel the breeze and smell the beautiful flowers. The kids are jazzed to spend so much time with their grandparents because they get so much attention from them. It will be awesome to listen to my Dad's sermons again - I miss him immensely.

I'm hoping that next school year will be less stressful than this one. After this first year of homeschooling high school, anything will be easy.

Glorious Sermon

Today at church our friend, Mike Moody, preached an awesome sermon. I absolutely loved it! He spoke about how we must have a high view of Scripture. We must believe all of Scripture as God's Word. We can't just pick and choose pieces to believe and pieces not to believe. He used various passages in Scripture to validate this point. It was just so good and wonderful. I'm thankful for Mike and his family.

A Lovely Magazine

Yesterday I received 2 Seasons at Home magazines. I love this magazine! It is so uplifting and encouraging. It makes me want to drag out my old sewing machine and "remember" how to sew. I love all the feminine ideas in it. It's one of the tools I use to keep my mind in the right place - that is, home with my family.

I've been really working on filling my mind with thoughts that are pure, good, kind and right. My mind gets VERY carried away by the movies I watch, the books I read and the music I listen to. I don't know if all people are like this, but I am. I've realized that I am extremely affected by what I see and hear. I'm choosing to focus on true things that encourage me on my way to being a modest, godly, stay-at-home wife and mother.

Arin as Anne Frank

Tonight I went to see my niece in her school's production of The Diary of Anne Frank. She was absolutely shining! Her performance got a standing ovation tonight and it was well deserved. I can't believe she memorized all those lines, and her acting was flawless. I'm amazed by her talent. She is an extraordinary person.

A New Beginning

I've decided to have a blog again, so here I go. I don't know how much I'll be able to post, but we'll see. I also want to be able to comment on my friend's blogs, and I can't do that without an account!