Thoughts on Church

Where do I start...seriously. I've lived my life in church. Actually, in church for most of it. Growing up the pastor's daughter is not a very good way to grow up. There are 2 reasons I've made it this far:
1. My parents are totally cool
2. Jesus
I would not wish being a pastor's daughter on ANYBODY.

I've been thinking about a couple of things regarding church and I had to write them down because they were bugging me so much. It really helps me to write - it's actually a tool for FA.

First, I hate church. I really hate the corporate, American, personality-driven, popular church of today. (When I use the word "church " here I DO NOT mean people). There are the sex and money scandals...blah, blah, blah. We've heard them all before. There are the divisions, the internal problems...it nauseates me to even go on. I look around at the churches in America today and all I see is a cult of personality. A cult of personality. The cool, hip pastor leading an unthinking group of people to a more "authentic" church or a conservative Bible-thumping pastor leading a flock of modestly clad clones down the road to "like-minded" fellowship. Ugh!

When you strip away all the church stuff - finances, attendance, music, bulletins, pews, buildings, potlucks, etc - what you get is that there is ONE GUY in charge and it is not Jesus. I don't care if a church says it has a board of elders or not. There is still one person in charge - one person with the strongest personality who has the ability to wield his power over the others. The thing is, people like this. They want to follow someone, someone they can see. They want to not have to think and they want to allow another person to tell them what to do and believe.

The corporate, American church is so far away from what REAL church is - i.e. a group of people following Jesus. I am sick of looking for a church in my town. I am not interested in going into some building, sitting down with people I do not know, listening to a pastor lecture me for 30 minutes (where did that come from? Oh yeah - the Greeks), singing songs done to bad music on untuned instruments, and praying for 30 seconds. I.Am.Not.Interested.

Another thing I notice is the whining and begging coming from leadership. "We need immediate help in the nursery..." "We need someone to head-up the after church potlucks...." Over and over again, in every email and bulletin. Here's a question: if the church is supposedly filled with people following Jesus, why is there a need to constantly nag them to do service? If the people at church are truly following Jesus, all the needs in that group would be met by the outpouring of love and service from the hearts of the people! I have yet to see this happen in a typical American church. This alone tells me there is something very wrong.

I am not sure what all this means to me. I will keep attending church - sporadically. I am keeping my eyes open for something new. I know that there are groups of people doing new things (or are they "old"?). Francis Chan is doing something very unusual in SF - he's discipling people so that they can disciple people. Wow, what a concept. No church building, no pastor? Just a group of people learning to live more like Jesus and getting ready to pass on the good news to the next group of people Jesus sends their way.

~I don't mean for this post to sound angry. I am not angry, just tired of what I see over and over again.

Adults in the life of my children

Today my 16 yo daughter was not doing very well. Actually it has been a veeerrryyy lllooonnnggg wwweeeeeeek of her not doing well. Today at Homeschool Park Day, a woman from our homeschool group asked her how she was. She said OK, but the woman wouldn't take that for an answer. She knew that my daughter was lying, and she said so! Next, she encouraged (well, actually, demanded) that my daughter call any member of her family if she is ever depressed. Some member of her family would come and pick my daughter up to bring her to their house for the day.

How thankful I am to have other adults in my children's lives to help them along the way. I am not so delusional to think I am the only influence in my kids' lives. No Way! They need other grounded adults to show them the way to go. My daughter needs others to tell her the very things I tell her because she does not always think I'm the smartest person on the planet. She can take "medicine" from others when it's difficult to take it from Mom.

I attended my nephew's 8th grade graduation in Santa Rosa on Wednesday. Each middle-school teacher picks a few graduates to bless. I was impressed by the love shown to these students by their teachers. Not only do these students have parents who care - they have teachers who care about their character. Most of the blessings were about character.

There are sometime adults that I do not let my children around. Usually, unfortunately, they are from our church family. These adults tear down my kids and try to spread gossip with them. These kinds of adults really aren't mature Christians they are just physically mature human beings with an infantile spiritual life. I am very careful to be present when these adults approach my children. I have told my children that I will protect them from these individuals.

How careful we are to be as parents! Do I let my kids go with that person? Do I let my kids take a class at the community college? Do I let my kids hang out at that house? Most of the time the Holy Spirit will give me a sense of who is safe and who is not. I am thankful for His guidance in all areas of my children's protection - physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

Difficult Day

This is a very difficult day. I am sick to my stomach about everything that has happened. I still can't believe that Elders in a church would be deceiving to their congregation. I realize too that they have impuned my husband's reputation. I have also come to realize that many of my friends will continue to trust and believe these very men who have not been completely honest with them. These things really hurt me so deeply.

I am trying to
a) repay evil with good
b) ask God to vindicate me
c) pray for those who are being deceived for God to open their eyes to the truth

How can God bless a place where their is deception?

We Made It!

Church yesterday was difficult, but it was the right thing to do. We needed to say goodbye to everyone. Many people were confused and didn't understand. Scott and I can only tell the truth from our point of view.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you, Stacie for your words of encouragement, "Let God be your vindicator." That is exactly what we are doing. The truth of the situation will come out.

We are keeping ourselves busy by rearranging our house. Our 13 year old boy needs his own space, so we are trying to give him that.

Scott's Job

Well, the end has come. Scott has been fired from his job as Children's Pastor at our church. Scott has been working on reconciling things between him and the leadership for nearly a year, and the Elders finally asked for his resignation. He didn't resign, though. They gave us a very generous severance package. Tomorrow will be our last day at Sebastopol Christian Church. We want to be there to say goodbye to the children.

I have such mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am relieved. After months of stress, we are done with this situation. On the other hand, I wish reconciliation could have taken place. I am not worried. I am not afraid for our future. We will stay right here until God says, "Move."

Our children are sad. Tomorrow will be difficult for them. Please pray for our family tomorrow. I have yet to completely fall apart. I know I will have to do that sometime, but I do not want to do it tomorrow at church.

I have had such support and love from my friends at church, some of whom I have known for 31 years. I do not harbor any hard feelings toward the leadership at SCC, but I am disappointed with how they dealt with everything.

Thank you, friends for all your prayers. I have felt them lift me up through some very dark nights.

God is good.

Still waiting...

Here we on on Monday morning. We made it through another Sunday. I nearly fell apart in front of one of my oldest friends. I'm still not supposed to talk to anyone about anything. It makes Sundays really hard.

Today's thought is: The mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6b

I am trying to keep my mind occupied with things of the Spirit - prayer, Bible verses, encouraging people to talk to because I want PEACE.

It is still difficult to keep up with everything. I am distracted and unable to complete a task. I'm trying to give myself some grace, but not allow too many excuses. You know how it can get, "I am going through (whatever difficulty), so I just can't make dinner, teach the kids, clean the house, etc. That's where my mind is going.

BUT...there is hope. I can keep my mind on the things of the Spirit. I have different Bible verses written down around the house to keep me focused.

Your continued prayers lift me up.

Dear Friends

My Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers. We have been lifted up by so many family and friends during this difficult time, and we appreciate your caring prayers so much!

Something I'm learning:

This battle is not about Scott or even the other men involved. It is a battle that Satan is raging against our little town of Sebastopol. Scott and I have made it our goal to not allow Satan to use us in any way - our tongues, our attitudes, our giving/withholding forgiveness, our faithfulness to God's calling. We will not give up doing the right thing.

Ephesians 6: 10-18
For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor...Stand your ground...Pray at all times and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers.

Why I've Been Gone...

I haven't been able to post in so long because of a very painful situation at church (which is also my husband's work). I can't give details on my blog yet. We are still in limbo and are waiting for a decision from the Elders. I'm hoping it will be soon because I'm ready to move on.

I know I don't have many readers. But those of you who are reading, will you please pray for my family? We are all really hurting, especially the kids. It's difficult to know how much to tell them.

In all of this I know only one thing for sure: God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them.

My Family

I have the privilege of going to a church in which I grew up. My father became the pastor of Sebastopol Christian Church when I was 9 years old. I left this church for about 3 years when I attended college (coming home in the summer) and for about 5 years when we lived in Oregon. I have been a part is this church for over 30 years. I love my church family. Sunday mornings are good when I can talk to my family, hug a child and hold a baby. My heart bursts with love for them all. This was a good Sunday filled with joy and love.

I even got to substitute teach the 1st and 2nd grade class. They were awesome!

Sunday at Island Family Christian Church

I love church in Hawaii. First of all, everyone is very kind and welcoming with plenty of aloha. Second of all, they have a great band to worship with. Third, my kids all love their classes. My middle schooler and high schooler have both been accepted and included. Fourth, it is heaven to listen to my Dad preach again. I've missed his preaching so much. He's in the middle of a series on the family. Today was "Do not commit adultery". It was excellent.

It is so wonderful to sing praises with a group of people and know that you are all One in Christ. The people at Island Family are locals - Hawaiian, Samoan, Tongan, Filipino and military, but they all get together to praise God on Sunday morning.

Glorious Sermon

Today at church our friend, Mike Moody, preached an awesome sermon. I absolutely loved it! He spoke about how we must have a high view of Scripture. We must believe all of Scripture as God's Word. We can't just pick and choose pieces to believe and pieces not to believe. He used various passages in Scripture to validate this point. It was just so good and wonderful. I'm thankful for Mike and his family.